Inuyasha's Spamalot
by cyclonegal12
Summary: Inuyasha is sent on a quest to find the Holy Grail. He and the rest of the group start a crazy journey through very expensive forests and strange castles full of strange situations. Monty Python's Spamalot goes feudal!
1. Lady of the Lake err Well

**Inuyasha's Spamalot**: The Much Edited, Yet Still Completely Unusual, Prologue

**Author's Note**: Yesterday I went to see Spamalot on Broadway. I'm a big fan of Monty Python so let me say this, it was THE BEST! If you're a Monty Python fan or just someone who doesn't get offended by politicaly incorrect things, I highly recomend this show! Go see it! SO FUNNY!  
But this is not what the Author's note is about. Because I went to see Monty Python's Spamalot, I decided to write a fan fiction involving both Spamalot and Inuyasha. I suppose you could call it a crossover, but I don't really think it is. You'll see why. Yes, this isMontyPython so therewill be general sillines, and politically incorrectness,just a warning. But I think if you can't laugh at yourself you need to lighten up.

And lastly, if you ever do see Spamalot, BY THE COCONUTS!

**Disclaimer:** Yes. I'm actually doing one of these things for once. Because in the chapter below I use wordsright out of the Inuyasha ani-manga volume 2, and because I'm using some direct quotes and song lyrics from Spamalot, I will say that I do not own either Inuyasha or Spamalot. (Even though I own plenty of their merchandise bought from outlets selling anime and Monty Python things)

And now,without further ado, Inuyasha's, Not Monty Python's,Spamalot!

* * *

Kagome and Inuyasha stood inside the tomb of Inuyasha's father. Just ahead of them was Sesshoumaru. The full demon chuckled. "Here it is what I have sought." He said to no one in particular. "At last I shall take possession of the sacred sword. The lethal, legendary blade, known to kill a hundred in one stroke. Tetsusaiga.  
"They say it was forged from the fang of your father's own mouth!" Sesshoumaru's servant Jaken told his master happily, "Once you possess the blade Tetsusaiga, you'll possess his power as well!"  
Sesshoumaru took a step closer to the sword. Reaching out he grabbed the sword, only to be repelled by a mysterious barrier.  
"Father has done his work well." He said after a moment of silence. "The blade has been ensorcelled."  
"Sesshoumaru!" Inuyasha yelled, "We're not finished yet!"  
With that he jumped from where he had been standing, straight at his brother. Sesshoumaru dodged the attack, catching Inuyasha off guard and making him fall to the ground. But he immediately jumped up again.  
"Now where did he go?" the hanyou growled, looking around.  
"Be more respectful." Sesshoumaru taunted from above, "This is our father's tomb."  
Inuyasha snorted. "Look who's talking!" he countered, "You're the one robbing his grave! Why not respect him by leaving?"  
"Lord Inuyasha!" a small voice said from Inuyasha's shoulder, "Look back!  
"Where?" Inuyasha looked over at the flea demon. "How come?"  
"Do you see the blade?" Myoga continued, "It's the blade from your father's fang! Tetsusaiga!"  
"What? You mean this?" he retorted, "What a piece of junk! Tetsusaiga what! It wouldn't even cut paper… wet!"  
"Lord Inuyasha!" Myoga said urgently, "You must draw the sword, please!" The little demon turned to Sesshoumaru, "And you Lord Sesshoumaru, you couldn't pull it out, could you?"  
"Do you mean to say Inuyasha can?" Sesshoumaru asked him calmly.  
"Of course!" the flea exclaimed, "It was always intended Lord Inuyasha should inherit it…" Myoga struggled to find a reason, "He was entrusted with the tomb, wasn't he? That should be poof enough if you ask me!"  
"Poof?" Inuyasha repeated, "Hey old man, have you been drinking?"  
Myoga glared at him. "You are mistaken." He said annoyed, "It's Happosai that drinks. I may play him, but that's a totally different anime! Now as I was saying, hurry! Pull the sword out!"  
"What 'entrusted'?" the hanyou demanded, going immediately back to the script, "What 'inheritance'! For all I care he can keep the rusty piece of junk! What I do mind though is all the other stuff! Good thing you're in a grave, because you're going to die!"  
With that Inuyasha launched himself at Sesshoumaru. Once again, the full demon easily avoided the attack.  
"Now was that aimed for me?" he taunted, Inuyasha threw a few more badly aimed attacks. "You fight as if you were still a child."  
"Well technically isn't he still one?" Kagome asked, "I mean, information in the movies and series show that Inuyasha's around 250 years old. Demons live for hundreds of years! Sesshoumaru, what are you, like 600?"  
Sesshoumaru glared at her. "Have you been researching me?" he demanded.  
Kagome looked away guiltily. "But that's not the point." She continued, "The point is that he is still a child so that's why he fights like one!"  
"Are you on my side or his!" Inuyasha demanded.  
"Sorry!" the girl said quickly.  
"And because you're just a child you can't fight an adult unarmed!" Myoga insisted, "Get the sword! GET THE SWORD!"  
"But Sesshoumaru's not an adult either!" Kagome pointed out, "He's only a teenager!"  
"Would you shut up!" Sesshoumaru demanded, glaring at her.  
"Inuyasha! Just get the dumb sword!" Kagome called to Inuyasha, ignoring his brother's demand. "Sesshoumaru couldn't pull it out, right? If you can't hit him in the body, hit him in the ego! Wound his pride!"  
Inuyasha smirked. "If only to see the look on his face, brother." He agreed.  
"Half brother." Sesshoumaru corrected.  
"Whatever." He growled. The half demon walked over to the sword and grabbed it. It did not repel him as it had Sesshoumaru. But as he began to pull, the sword would not budge. It was Sesshoumaru's turn to smirk. Luckily his brother couldn't pull it out either. He hadn't been bested by a mere half breed.  
"Oh for the love of God." Kagome grumbled, she stomped her way over to the sword, shoving Inuyasha out of the way. She grabbed the sword and with one tug, it was in her hands. "Now was that so hard?" she asked, "I can't believe it! A demon and a half demon didn't even have the strength to pull one rusted sword out of a table and then little old me gives a half hearty attempt and that's more than enough power to get it out! Weaklings!"  
Kagome handed the sword to Inuyasha. "There." She said, "Take your prize. I dub you King Inuyasha because you wield Tetsusaiga, and myself Lady of the Well for giving it to you. Happy? Now let's go."  
Inuyasha watched speechlessly as Kagome left the building. "I'm king?" he finally whispered, "COOL!"


	2. The Birds

Inuyasha's Spamalot

**Author's Note- **Just thought I'd point out that if this doesn't make sense it's perfectly fine. Because Monty Python is random, so is this. It was only meant to be funny. And lastly. I can't decide whether or not to put the songs in this fan fiction. Should I or not?

* * *

It was raining hard. And it had been non-stop for almost a week now. Inuyasha ran through the forest, Myoga on his shoulder and two halves a coconut attached to a string stuck to the seat of his pants. As they knocked against each other making a sound strangely like a horse running. Clippa Clop! Clippa Clop!

"Milord." Myoga said, "Remind me again why you have these… coconuts stuck to your behind."

"How many times do I have to tell you?" Inuyasha replied, "I got that sorceress in the last town mad and she put them there for all of eternity! I can't get them off! So I'm going to sound like a freaking horse for the rest of my life! And besides, it's only two halves of a coconut. That only makes one full coconut."

"Yes it does." His servant agreed, "But why are you telling me this math problem?"

Inuyasha glared at him. "Because you said that I had 'coconuts', that's plural, stuck to my butt and technically I only have one."

"But!"

"Don't say that word! I don't want to think about what's stuck to my pants!"

"I meant the other but milord. Not the part of your body." Myoga said, "Now will you let me speak!"

"Whatever."

"As I was trying to tell you, when I said coconuts, that being plural as you pointed out, I simply meant it as a figure of-"

"Look! A castle!"

Myoga sighed and gave up.

A few minutes later they arrived at the castle. It was a very big castle. And gray. Very gray.

"Halt!" a guard called from a window in the very big, gray castle, "Who goes there?"

"It is I." Inuyasha replied, "It is I, Inuyasha, son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of all Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!"

"Milord." Myoga said quietly, "Your father was Inu no Taisho, not Uther Pendragon, whoever that is, and what in the world are the Britons, Saxons, Camelot, and England!"

He shrugged. "I just felt like saying it." Inuyasha replied, "But you're right about the whole dad thing. Let's try that again. It is I, Inuyasha, son of Inu no Taisho, from the castle of Camelot. King of all Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England!"

"No way!" the guard exclaimed.

"I am..." the half demon replied grinning, "And this my trusty servant, Myoga. We have ridden the length and breadth of the land in someone who'd be nice enough to get us the hell out of this rain!"

"Rode on what?" the guard asked, "A horse?"

Inuyasha eyed the coconuts attached to his pants. "Kind of…"

"I did ride on Master Inuyasha's shoulder." Myoga put in.

"You're using coconuts!" the guard insisted.

"What about the coconuts?" Inuyasha demanded, "Keep them out of this!"

"You've got two empty shells of coconuts and you're banging them together!"

"Yeah so? And it's not like it's voluntary!"

"Where'd you get the coconuts?"

Inuyasha was not about to admit that he had been powerless to keep the sorceress from attaching the coconuts to his pants so he made up an excuse. "We found them."

"Found them?" the guard repeated skeptically, "And then stuck them on your butt?"

Inuyasha was forced to say a very embarrassing lie. "Yes."

"Like a tail?" the guard asked.

"You've got it."

"I can't believe it." He said, "Here below me is this weird guy who says he's the King of the Britons and he sticks two halves of a coconut on his butt and pronounces it a tail! Gives Yankee Doodle a run for his money, this one does."

"Would you shut up!" Inuyasha demanded.

But the guard continued. "Anyways, here in Japan's a temperate region! Coconuts are tropical!"

"The swallow may fly south with the sun, or the house martin or the plover seek warmer hot lands in winter, yet these are not strangers to our land." Myoga pointed out.

"Are you suggesting that coconuts migrate?"

"NO!" Inuyasha screamed, "Are you going to let us in or not! Spending a week in non stop rain isn't fun you know!"

No one paid him any mind.

"They could be carried." Myoga said.

"A swallow carry a coconut?" The guard laughed.

Inuyasha glared. "Is anyone listening to me?" he asked. Once again he was ignored.

"Why not?" Myoga asked, "It seems perfectly logical to me."

"I'll tell you why not. A swallow is about eight inches long and weighs five ounces, and you'd be lucky to find a coconut under a pound."

"It could grip it from the husk." The flea suggested.

"It's not a question of where he grips it, It's a simple matter of weight ratios. A five-ounce bird could not hold a one pound coconut!"

Inuyasha had had just about enough by that time. "Listen to me damnit!" he yelled, "The Lady of the Well didn't make me king for everyone to ignore me you know! Are you going to let me in or not!"

There was a slight pause.

"Look! To maintain Velocity, a swallow needs to beat its wings four hundred and ninety three times every second. Right?" the guard asked him.

"I don't care." Inuyasha growled, "Just let me in before I let myself in!"

"It could be carried by an African sparrow." A second guard pointed out walking over to the first one.

"Oh yes!" the first agreed happily, "An African swallow maybe ... but not a European swallow. That's my point."

The second nodded his head. "I agree then."

"LET ME IN!" Inuyasha screamed, "I DON'T GIVE A DAMN WHETHER OR NOT A SWALLOW COULD CARRY COCONUTS! JUST LET ME IN!"

But they went right on talking.

"But you have to remember that African sparrows are non migratory." The first guard pointed out.  
"Yes." The other agreed, "Very true."

Growling, Inuyasha leaped up and bashed the two guards' heads together. "Could a bunch of your sparrows carry your two decapitated heads?" he growled.

"Good question." The first guard said, "I knew you'd get into this after a while! What do you say Bob?"

"Well I doubt even an African sparrow would be able to carry both of our heads, but maybe an Australian sparrow…" the second replied.

"Quite large. More like buzzards those things are."

Inuyasha leapt down from the top of the wall and walked away, the coconuts giving him the sound appearance of a horse.


	3. I See Dead People

Inuyasha's Spamalot

**Author's Note**- Well this scene has the song 'Not Yet Dead' in the play. I decided not to put any of the songs in this fiction. It just makes it too confusing and hard to read. So I took someof the lyrics from the song and stuck it into the story. Hope you guys like it!

* * *

"Bring out your dead!" Miroku called, pushing a cart piled high with dead people on it. _This is an awful job_. He thought. _Why'd I become a monk anyways? Oh yeah. Family profession. So here I am pushing a cart of dead people though the streets of some village with a plague. What if I get the disease? _"Bring out your dead!" _And worse than that I haven't seen even a slightly good looking girl here since that one that got thrown on my cart an hour ago!  
_  
"Here's one!" a man with bright red hair said, lifting up a collapsed body of a badger demon.

"Nine pence." Miroku requested, holding out his hand.

The red head frowned. "But this is a charity organization that's taking our dead away!" he insisted. "That means I don't have to pay!"

"It is a charity organization." Miroku agreed, "Charity meaning that you have to give a charitable donation to the organization to get us to take away your dead."

The man thought about this for a second and then nodded. "Okay." He handed the monk nine pence.

Then out of no where the body spoke "I'm not dead yet!" it wheezed.

Miroku was now confused. "What?"

The red head glared at the dead body. "Nothing." He replied.

"I'm not dead!" the body insisted.

"Yes you are Hochi. Now be quiet like a good little dead person."

"But he says he's not dead." Miroku said frowning.

"He won't be for long." The red head assured, "He's quite ill. He'll be dead in a minute."

"I'm getting better!" the corpse called Hochi put in.

"No you're not." The man said, "You'll be stone dead in a minute."

Miroku sighed. _Collecting dead people shouldn't be this difficult. They're dead… most of the time._ "Well I can't take him like this. It's against regulations."

"I don't want to go on the cart!" Hochi wailed, "Please Shippo! No!"

"Don't be such a baby."

"I feel fine!"

"Well I can't take him like this." Miroku repeated.

"Could you just do it this once?" the man named Shippo asked, "Like a favor? You could say you didn't notice he wasn't dead."

"Nope."

That's when Hochi stood up. "I am not dead yet." He said, "I can dance and I can sing." To show this he gave a few jumps, resembling a dance. "The Highland Fling's my favorite. I don't need to go to bed and there's no need to call the doctor, because I'm not yet dead."

Miroku glanced over at Shippo. He looked so upset about this guy still being alive. And this was a charity organization. Miroku had to do something. He was going to have to take this into his own hands. Grabbing his staff, Miroku smacked Hochi over the head. He collapsed.

"Well now he's dead" Shippo commented, "You whacked him on the head. That was pretty violent. Maybe you need to see someone about anger management. What's your name anyway?

"My name is Miroku." Miroku replied, "Occasionally I do some things that I should not. Like that."

"You know." Shippo said, "I want to be a knight. But I don't like to fight. I'm rather scared I may, just simply run away."

Now that was random. But a knight… That sounded good. Monks were kind of like the Buddha's knights, right? And there was that new king that he had heard of. King Inuyasha or something like that. "I want to be a knight too." Miroku decided, "I'll be right with you Shippo, through and through and through. So stick with me and I'll show you what to do."

"We'll become good chums." Shippo agreed, "You can teach me how to dance. You do know how to dance, right?"

"I do." The monk replied, "I'll teach you on our way to enlist."

"I'm Shippo."

"And I'm Miroku."

Hochi raised his head from the ground. So Miroku hadn't killed him after all. "I am coming too. My name will be Sir Hochi I'll be your musician because I'm not yet dead."

"That's nice." Miroku commented. He whacked him over the head again and he collapsed.

There was a moment of silence. "So will you take him now?" He motioned to Hachi.

"Sure." Miroku said nodding. They dragged the corpse onto the cart.


End file.
